GREAT day :) snowboarding is such a great sport. i love it so much. sometimes i get tired and want to stop, but it's so addicting! def one of my top fav things to do...i just wish it wasn't so expensive.

i got to spend time with someone today who i don't get one-on-one time with that often. it was good. good to talk. good to be myself with them. good to just be.

i love the snow.

i love snowboarding.

2 weeks till London. :) can't wait :)

finally everyone's christmas presents are finished. not very on top of that this year. oh well. the weather is really screwing up things. not just christmas, but people's relationships. causing stress here and there. its the awkward in between where u could possibly travel, but there might be a risk. being that there is a past in my family with black ice, you would think people would opt out of the travel. apparently not. near-death is not convicting enough for some people. opening gifts is more important. too much stress/fighting this holiday. too many tears shed for the wrong reasons. not enough love.

played some hockey the other night. ugh, so out of shape. it was fun, but def a lil disheartening. i wish i was better. i wish i played more, was more in practice. oh well. i really love that sport. i'm not even sure why, since i'm not even that good at it. it's just something i have a really strong passion for. fun to see some of the guys. haven't seen them since christmas time last year. not much has changed. same ol' guys, same ol' game ... that's how it is in a small town tho, things don't change too much. part of that is why i had to get out of this place, but there are times it's comforting to come home to.

I'm going to miss her...but i know that when I get back, she will be here for me. No matter what the changes. :) <3

there has finally been some snow falling. i've been waiting for it all month. i'm a little sad because it might mean that i won't see my cousins for christmas, but overall, i'm glad its here. i'll get to go snowboarding once before i leave :) i'm super excited about that. that past few days have been hectic; trying to wrap up last minute christmas shopping, make sure i have presents for everyone. money is too tight this year, but i hate people always talking about that, so i wont. if you're spending money on the people you love, than there should be no remorse.

an interesting part of being home lately is realizing something. my family does not see the changes in myself. over the past few years, but over the past few months especially, i have truly become a different person. my family doesn't see that. they see the person who i always was; no different. but i am different. it makes me want to say "hey! this is me! nice to meet you!" and tell them the following:
i love coffee - i drink it all the time
i like music where the male lead singer sounds like a woman
i love my roommate...a lot...
i think before i speak
words of affirmation is one of my biggest love languages
i love hockey...i'm slightly obsessed. i dont play it much anymore, but my ideal night would be sitting on my futon, sipping a cup of steaming hot coffee watching a hockey game with my roommate in the room
i'm a pretty good driver. my roommate, who grew up in the twin cities, calls me, who grew up in iowa, for directions
i'm almost always the driver, and people trust me to drive
i like to buy clothes and food
i save my money, but when i want to spend it, i do
i love hanging out with my guys friends. they make me feel good about myself, but i do not want a boyfriend.
i am very content being single
i do not like people who whine/complain/nag...so i do not do those things
i do not like being judged
i love putzing around in sweats
i love getting dressed up and looking cute
i like going to small cafe's and concerts with my roommate
i believe words are a powerful tool and must be chosen carefully


looking over this list i know that some of these things are just the way i always have been, yet at the same time, some of them have come about from much changing that has happened in my life. and going away to london for four months is not going to stop the change, it is only going to expedite it. i am going to be so wholly different when i come back. i only hope that i will be able to stay that way. sometimes when i get around my family, i feel myself revert back to my old ways. they treat me like a whiny younger child, so i act that way. they expect me to start fights, so fights happen. it can be really frustrating. but someday someday. they will see the changes in me and know me for who i really am.

last final is over. over. over. oh it feels sooo goood. except for the fact that i did not do very well on it. pray that i get a B. i know if i really tried i definitely could've owned the final and gotten and A, but to be honest, i dont really care that much anymore. classes are great and all, whatever. but i would much rather spend my time doing something i love, like hanging out /w my roommates and friends. what does it matter if i graduate with all A's or all B's? it might matter to some people. it used to matter to me. not so much anymore. i like it that way. all i know, is that it feels awesome to be done. i can relax, and not worry about it. i have a ton of packing to do tho. have to be completely moved out by this afternoon. that'll be a chore. i don't think its going to suck as much as i anticipated though. we'll see. it'll be nice to have it done. last night at bethel. spend some of it with family, some with friends. lots of goodbyes. they're not really goodbyes, more like see-ya-later's....i'll be back in may. but then again, for some people, like the seniors, i may never see them again. that's a sad thought. hopefully they read this and know how much i'm going to miss them. they probably won't. but for everyone else, it's just a matter of time before i come back. granted, i'll probably be way different, but in a good way. still the same in some ways...the good ways :)

last few days at bethel. finals are sucking the life out of me. i would much rather be spending time with friends than with notes. the goodbye's have started already. wasn't prepared for this. it' a lot sadder than i had anticipated.

BUT I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh boy.