so many thoughts...

6 months from now I have no idea where I will sleep...I will have a Bachelor's degree.  Will I have a job?  Will I have a place to live?  Will I have a vehicle?  Maybe I'll buy a dog.  It's scary, yet exhilarating.  I have the world @ my fingertips, I just have to make sure and be "around" the midwest during this summer and next due to my sister's wedding and bailey's.

My sister is getting married.  She will never again have the same last name as me.  She will become someone else's sister as well.  She will live with a permanent roommate...a boy roommate.

I care about other people, but sometimes they exhaust me.  It almost seems like it's the ones i care about the most that make the most wear.  I can't stand when people only talk about themselves.  Can't they hear when they speak that it's all about them?  Don't the realize that, although their own little world may revolve around themselves, mine does not?  And do they realize when they complain that someone else has it worse off than them?  No one wants to be told they should feel bad for someone...oh and newsflash!  complaining doesn't make us feel bad for you, it just makes us annoyed with you!  Also, most people who are actually dealing with complaint worthy stuff, have learned that complaining doesn't help and thus the people who complain the most, are usually the ones that have the least to complain about.

Yes, I am self centered.  Yes, I wine and annoy.  Yes, I am too loud and messy.  But guess what - nobody is perfect.  I've got my stuff and you've got yours.  I'll work on me while you work on you...no crossing over.

Thanksgiving just got over and I'm thankful for friends that I don't get to see that often that make me feel good.  It's funny...so little effort is required...it almost seems as if their shallow friendships when thinking about it.  But they're not.  They are deep-rooted, and by this point in our lives, we've dealt with enough crap to just be friends when we're together.  I wonder if it'll ever get to be that way with the others.  maybe...but maybe the hard stuff is what makes it worth it.  IDK.

I'm thankful for an amazing family...ya, it's pretty screwed up and dysfunctional (contrary to popular belief).  But it's MY family...and that's why I love it.

There's a lot I'm not happy with right now, and there's a lot I'm more than content with.  I can laugh & cry at the same time.  I can be angry and loving all at once.  Does it make sense?  of course not...why should it.

It's like a marathon...there's no way I can run the whole way.  There are going to have to be parts where a walk for a bit...but just a bit.  Nurture that side ache.  Drink some water.  but a strong steady pace is what gets through.  otherwise i won't finish.  Ya sure, the some of the other runners are faster than me, better than me, more athletic.  They can talk while they run...they may not have to walk...they glisten when they run while I'm drowning in my own sweat.  I want to hit them upside the head because they make me look like a bigot.  But ultimately, it's not about them...it's about me and what I need to do for myself to finish the race.  And I will finish.