It's a sea of faces,
a smattering of names.
Some matched to another,
for others it seems unimportant.
How to judge the effort
needed for such a daunting task.
What really matters
is not for me to decide.
The end of the ocean
is the beginning of life.

It's the simple Joys in life,

that make one's heart soar.

There are times when it may

take the moving of mountains

to raise her spirits;

but today, it is as simple as

flashing a quick smile.

Joy - only 3 letters in length.

Short and sweet,

we just need to be willing.

We bring it back down
to a level that we can all reach.

Waiting eagerly for the feeling
to wash over our entire bodies.
Did it really mean that little?
Or did it really mean the world.
Who's to say.
Watching out of the corner of an eye.
The movement was so swift,
barely a blip on the radar.
We begin to move forward,
because we don't have the option
to move backward.
Maybe that's for the best.
Who's to say.

i had too many little mementos to fit in my scrapbook, so i made a poster out of them.

The time that passes

is a strange & cruel

double-edged sword.

when passing slowly,

it seems unbearable.

Yet, the swift motion

of the alternative

leaves me stunned,

& unable to catch my breath

in time to react.

Why does it have to

be this way?

Will it always be this hard?

So many questions,

but who has the answers?

As if they come in uniform

like finger prints to

identify an individual.

No one answer is the same.

The dull ache to uncover

the secret paths & whims

of my own.

so i can't believe i fell so far behind in this thing. actually, i can. i stopped blogging because there were a couple individuals who used my blog as a way to taunt/undermine me and my friends here in london. as i result, i stopped, but desi is right: i can't let them prevent me from writing about my experiences.

i've now been back in the USA for roughly a week, and everyday is a set of new emotions. i miss london, i miss my friends there, and i miss my life there. but i love my family & friends here in the states. one thing i have realized is how blessed i am. i have amazing friends who care about me and i love spending time with. the same goes for my family. i have a great support system. even though i was an ocean away, i would skype with not only every member of my family, but numerous friends as well.

that doesn't change the fact that i want to go back. sometimes i feel guilty, because i know the people i care about here have missed me and want to spend time with me - i'm not saying i don't want that as well. i just experienced so much in the last four months that i don't want to lose that....and i guess i feel that, in a way, leaving london is leaving that person behind. i was so independent there, it's a little hard to come back and be accountable to people.

the friendships i made while in london are incredible: desi, punya, jen, katie, cate, tanya, hailey, and so many more individuals who now have a special place in my heart. the first time i cried upon my arrival to the U.S. was because of a text i received from desi. it hurt to know that people i care so much about are so far away. for so long they were just downstairs, or down the street. now, their 2-5 states away. the saying "distance makes the heart grow fonder" is a load of bullocks. distance makes the heart hurt.

high's and low's: my last evening in london katie, cate, diana, gus, and i went for dinner at wagamama and played the game high's and low's. we went through saying the best and worst memories of london, that type of thing. my high: getting to meet so many amazing people and form relationships...the people at my internship specifically. i got to soak up the culture and learn about london from the people who had been born and raised there. priceless
low: my roommate. i learned a long time ago that i need to be careful about what i write in this blog, but anyone who knows me knows this already - my roommate was terrible to me. she was mean, and purposefully hurtful. we lived in a tiny tiny room and after deciding she hated me, she lost all consideration for me as a person. her actions were rude and inconsiderate and her words were venomous and spiteful. i wish i could say i feel bad for her....she doesn't know how to be a real friend, and as a result has few genuine friends of her own. but truth is, i don't feel bad for her. if that makes me a bad person, then i guess my true colors are revealed. sorry.

so much of my experience in london was shaped by the people i chose to spend my time with. when with desi&jen, i could say whatever came to my mind and there was always something to laugh about....not to mention getting to know alex and adopting him as my english brother :) ....with cate and katie there was never a dull moment...too many crazy times and crazy memories to recount in one blog entry. bambambanifa, drinking water out of advil bottles, the elk, and so much more. nando's with nikki, stacy, and company :) ... JT freak outs with punya!!! :) :) :) .... random stories and waldo moments with hailey.....cabbie rides with amanda and company. wow, so many memories and good times. someday i want to go back, but even then, it won't be the same. all of us will never be back in london at the same time in the same place. i can accept that. but still....doesn't make me miss it any less.

for now....looking forward to a summer in the twin cities with my sister, brittany, my cousins, and the lakes :) tis the season for a tan bay-bay!