so many thoughts...

6 months from now I have no idea where I will sleep...I will have a Bachelor's degree.  Will I have a job?  Will I have a place to live?  Will I have a vehicle?  Maybe I'll buy a dog.  It's scary, yet exhilarating.  I have the world @ my fingertips, I just have to make sure and be "around" the midwest during this summer and next due to my sister's wedding and bailey's.

My sister is getting married.  She will never again have the same last name as me.  She will become someone else's sister as well.  She will live with a permanent roommate...a boy roommate.

I care about other people, but sometimes they exhaust me.  It almost seems like it's the ones i care about the most that make the most wear.  I can't stand when people only talk about themselves.  Can't they hear when they speak that it's all about them?  Don't the realize that, although their own little world may revolve around themselves, mine does not?  And do they realize when they complain that someone else has it worse off than them?  No one wants to be told they should feel bad for someone...oh and newsflash!  complaining doesn't make us feel bad for you, it just makes us annoyed with you!  Also, most people who are actually dealing with complaint worthy stuff, have learned that complaining doesn't help and thus the people who complain the most, are usually the ones that have the least to complain about.

Yes, I am self centered.  Yes, I wine and annoy.  Yes, I am too loud and messy.  But guess what - nobody is perfect.  I've got my stuff and you've got yours.  I'll work on me while you work on you...no crossing over.

Thanksgiving just got over and I'm thankful for friends that I don't get to see that often that make me feel good.  It's funny...so little effort is required...it almost seems as if their shallow friendships when thinking about it.  But they're not.  They are deep-rooted, and by this point in our lives, we've dealt with enough crap to just be friends when we're together.  I wonder if it'll ever get to be that way with the others.  maybe...but maybe the hard stuff is what makes it worth it.  IDK.

I'm thankful for an amazing family...ya, it's pretty screwed up and dysfunctional (contrary to popular belief).  But it's MY family...and that's why I love it.

There's a lot I'm not happy with right now, and there's a lot I'm more than content with.  I can laugh & cry at the same time.  I can be angry and loving all at once.  Does it make sense?  of course not...why should it.

It's like a marathon...there's no way I can run the whole way.  There are going to have to be parts where a walk for a bit...but just a bit.  Nurture that side ache.  Drink some water.  but a strong steady pace is what gets through.  otherwise i won't finish.  Ya sure, the some of the other runners are faster than me, better than me, more athletic.  They can talk while they run...they may not have to walk...they glisten when they run while I'm drowning in my own sweat.  I want to hit them upside the head because they make me look like a bigot.  But ultimately, it's not about them...it's about me and what I need to do for myself to finish the race.  And I will finish.

London, Paris, Italy, or America...wherever I am, I can find Happiness.

GOOD TIMES...

...the time when Desi and I played in the ball pen at a McDonalds (I can't remember if it was Paris or London). hahaha....we were srsly acting as if we were 5 again and it was glorious :)

...the time when katie couldn't find a cup, so she drank out of her advil bottle, hahaha...

...the time when Gabe&Danny kidnapped Brittany and rolled her through the halls of Lissner on her "birthday chariot" =)

...the time when Punya & I went to dinner on High Street & talked about boys, boys boys :)

...the time when Bailey & I were driving to NW IA and we realized we were both going to Bethel :)

...the time when Jen & I were in Wales and there was a stag party, hahahahaha

...the time my sister & I were driving to IA....well to be honest every time my sister and I drive to IA something hilarious happens, hahahahaha

...the time(s) freshman year when Bailey & I used to watch One Tree Hill :)

...the time Steffi, Lorna, Cameron & I went to Rough Trade, and the photo booth

...the time Desi convinced Chris to drive us to the Lake District, haha

...the time Desi and I went to Shordtitch :D :D :D HAHAHA!!!

...the time my sister took me to breakfast before dropping me off @ the airport :)

...the time Bailey&Brittany skyped /w me and we all watched The Office together, even though I was an ocean away from them :)

all it takes is one word

one word to make the entire world crumble

or so it would seem

it really isn't the end of the world

but it feels like it

one word to make me second guess

why did I open my mouth?

why do I ever open my mouth

The word does not exist.

The one word that encompasses

the vast range of emotions and

complex feelings of my current state.

I've been searching for one word.

A simple way to express

that which is not simple at all.

The English language is a beautiful art.

An intricate way of communicating

with words and symbols.

But in so many ways it is lacking.

Lacking the words and implications I need

to express the art of feelings.

The things that are not constructed

by the human mind,

and have no set construct at all.

It's a sea of faces,
a smattering of names.
Some matched to another,
for others it seems unimportant.
How to judge the effort
needed for such a daunting task.
What really matters
is not for me to decide.
The end of the ocean
is the beginning of life.

It's the simple Joys in life,

that make one's heart soar.

There are times when it may

take the moving of mountains

to raise her spirits;

but today, it is as simple as

flashing a quick smile.

Joy - only 3 letters in length.

Short and sweet,

we just need to be willing.

We bring it back down
to a level that we can all reach.

Waiting eagerly for the feeling
to wash over our entire bodies.
Did it really mean that little?
Or did it really mean the world.
Who's to say.
Watching out of the corner of an eye.
The movement was so swift,
barely a blip on the radar.
We begin to move forward,
because we don't have the option
to move backward.
Maybe that's for the best.
Who's to say.

i had too many little mementos to fit in my scrapbook, so i made a poster out of them.

The time that passes

is a strange & cruel

double-edged sword.

when passing slowly,

it seems unbearable.

Yet, the swift motion

of the alternative

leaves me stunned,

& unable to catch my breath

in time to react.

Why does it have to

be this way?

Will it always be this hard?

So many questions,

but who has the answers?

As if they come in uniform

like finger prints to

identify an individual.

No one answer is the same.

The dull ache to uncover

the secret paths & whims

of my own.

so i can't believe i fell so far behind in this thing. actually, i can. i stopped blogging because there were a couple individuals who used my blog as a way to taunt/undermine me and my friends here in london. as i result, i stopped, but desi is right: i can't let them prevent me from writing about my experiences.

i've now been back in the USA for roughly a week, and everyday is a set of new emotions. i miss london, i miss my friends there, and i miss my life there. but i love my family & friends here in the states. one thing i have realized is how blessed i am. i have amazing friends who care about me and i love spending time with. the same goes for my family. i have a great support system. even though i was an ocean away, i would skype with not only every member of my family, but numerous friends as well.

that doesn't change the fact that i want to go back. sometimes i feel guilty, because i know the people i care about here have missed me and want to spend time with me - i'm not saying i don't want that as well. i just experienced so much in the last four months that i don't want to lose that....and i guess i feel that, in a way, leaving london is leaving that person behind. i was so independent there, it's a little hard to come back and be accountable to people.

the friendships i made while in london are incredible: desi, punya, jen, katie, cate, tanya, hailey, and so many more individuals who now have a special place in my heart. the first time i cried upon my arrival to the U.S. was because of a text i received from desi. it hurt to know that people i care so much about are so far away. for so long they were just downstairs, or down the street. now, their 2-5 states away. the saying "distance makes the heart grow fonder" is a load of bullocks. distance makes the heart hurt.

high's and low's: my last evening in london katie, cate, diana, gus, and i went for dinner at wagamama and played the game high's and low's. we went through saying the best and worst memories of london, that type of thing. my high: getting to meet so many amazing people and form relationships...the people at my internship specifically. i got to soak up the culture and learn about london from the people who had been born and raised there. priceless
low: my roommate. i learned a long time ago that i need to be careful about what i write in this blog, but anyone who knows me knows this already - my roommate was terrible to me. she was mean, and purposefully hurtful. we lived in a tiny tiny room and after deciding she hated me, she lost all consideration for me as a person. her actions were rude and inconsiderate and her words were venomous and spiteful. i wish i could say i feel bad for her....she doesn't know how to be a real friend, and as a result has few genuine friends of her own. but truth is, i don't feel bad for her. if that makes me a bad person, then i guess my true colors are revealed. sorry.

so much of my experience in london was shaped by the people i chose to spend my time with. when with desi&jen, i could say whatever came to my mind and there was always something to laugh about....not to mention getting to know alex and adopting him as my english brother :) ....with cate and katie there was never a dull moment...too many crazy times and crazy memories to recount in one blog entry. bambambanifa, drinking water out of advil bottles, the elk, and so much more. nando's with nikki, stacy, and company :) ... JT freak outs with punya!!! :) :) :) .... random stories and waldo moments with hailey.....cabbie rides with amanda and company. wow, so many memories and good times. someday i want to go back, but even then, it won't be the same. all of us will never be back in london at the same time in the same place. i can accept that. but still....doesn't make me miss it any less.

for now....looking forward to a summer in the twin cities with my sister, brittany, my cousins, and the lakes :) tis the season for a tan bay-bay!

one week later: last week of work. had to say goodbye to everyone. on monday me and a few co-workers went out after work. i had london's best bagel (cream cheese & salmon) and discovered the coolest record store ever called rough trade. later that week i went back and bought a couple cd's of some UK bands. went to the burberry outlet. things were reduced from 500 pounds to 399 pounds. wow. went to absolute ice bar london, random pent house, and zoo bar. went shopping and read for the afternoon in regeants park. went to blues kitchen for lorna (co-workers) birthday. met cool people. oh, tried to go to macbeth at the globe theatre, but it was sold out so we went to founders arms on the thames. beautiful view. interesting people. cant remember anything else for this week. peace out.

picture this: perfect sunny weather on a sunday afternoon in London england. 3 girls carpe diem and travel to shorditch to visit brick lane, spitalfield market, and petticoat lane. (this of course is kicked off /w a morning coffee run to starbucks for iced espresso - perfect for such a warm day) after enjoying the markets and soaking in the culture, an afternoon lunch at nando's is required. bottomless fountain drinks for all. pop on the tube and head to church (hillsong). try to shake of the weird feeling that the guest speaker gave us, and pop back on the tube to go to st.johns wood - home of abbey road. sing beatles songs, remember the good music of the good 'ol days, and of course get some pix to commemerate the special place. pop on the bus to covent gardens...awkward street show. this is where the evening winds down. the weather gets cooler and the girls get hungry. grab a bite for dinner and say goodbye to the setting of the london sun. tomorrow is another day - monday...the start of another week. only a few more left in this lovely city. let no chance go to waste.

life has gotten interesting again.

yesterday i went to greenwich. this is where the prime meridian is, and where the term greenwich mean time comes from. it's where the time everyone sets their clocks to is. pefect, lazy saturday afternoon. we walked around greenwich, the park was beautiful, the prime meridian was cool. went to the pier, visited the markets. beyond perfect afternoon.

earlier this week i went to shortditch. its the "happening" place in london that i've been wanting to go to for awhile. i rather enjoyed it. going back today to go to petticoat lane, spitalfields market, and brick lane. hopefully gonna go to abbey road, and church @ hillsong.

the elk on friday, but tried a new place out called walkabout yesterday. really fun. apparently its an australian bar, so i met a few auzies. haha. oh i also met a kiwi, and it made me think of emily :)

countries i have been to so far in this life:

canada
mexico
haiti
england
ireland
scotland
belgium
holland
france
italy


countries i will be going to in the next month:

wales
spain


grand total of 12...not bad for the ripe age of 19

today i am in leuven belgium. i left london @ 1030am friday (yesterday) and arrived at 6 or so in brussels. the bus was a good experience. it smelled terrible and the people were interesting, but we still took the chunnel. there are trains made specifically for cars/buses to ride in so they can get across the chunnel the same way the eurostar does. tiany met me at the bus station and we went to go see the mennekin pis. :) hehe. apparently there is this tale of sometime during the war that a bomb was placed in the city centre of leuven, and a small boy peed on it and saved the entire town, thus he got a statue made after him. gotta love it. we ate along this cute side street somewhere in brussels and i ate mussels. gotta say, not really a fan. i had to douse them in salt and other crap to get them down. wandered around brussels some more, tiany showed me the sites (like the famous church in the city centre, city hall, blah blah) ... all the notable things in brussels. we took the trian back to leuven, stopped by her friends house to get a sleeping bag, and headed to her place. leuven isnt a big place, but it's beautiful. the city centre is really cool and they have a courtyard similair to the one in brussels, with the large church and stuff. everything is so beautiful. lots of gold detail on the buildings. really cool @ night. her friend wasnt home, but one of her flatmates was there. he was born and raised in belgium, so met a native! she showed me around leuven some more and then we hit the hay. she has her own apartment, which is cool. tiany is so grown up. she lives by herself, pays rent, works all the time. definitaly an adult. very cool. we woke up late (very adult like, haha) and headed to antwerpen. not sure where it is located in the country of belgium, but very cool city. the train station is the old palace where the king used to live - it is gorgeous. we walked around antwerpen for awhile, and then tiany had to head to work. i got some belgium coffee, and went shopping :) shopping here is ridiculous. everything is in dutch/french. in antwerpen it's all in french, cuz it's in the french area of belgium. belgium is basically a mix of france and the netherlands. leuven is in the dutch area of belgium, so everything here is dutch, and that is the language most people speak. i find it interesting. it's almost as if belgium doesnt have its own idenitity - half of the country thinks its french and the other half thinks they are dutch. but i like it. everything is so gorgeous and they have statues/momuments to commemorate everything. tiany has to work tomorrow, so im waking up early and heading to the netherlands with her friend zoe. have to catch the train at 7am, and then we're driving there (one of zoe's friends has a car). pretty excited! :) 2 countries in one weekend. :) love it.

my dog of 15 years is being put to sleep today. RIP Muffin.

this weekend was full of adventure. friday, desi and i went to startucks and had good chat for a few hours, decided we wanted to see random london, so we got on the tube and went to cockfosters (cuz we're mature) went to the harry potter platform 9 and 3/4, went to barnes (the area) and saw where rob pattinson's parents live, then went to gloucster arms, then imperial. after imperial we decided we wanted to go somewhere new, so we found this place in northeast london called the hideway, and went there with chris (alex's friend). cool place, but there was a private party downstairs, so we'll have to go back again when the live music area is open. one thing led to another, and desi got this idea to road trip to the lake district to see alex. chris has a car, so the idea was for us to take the train to cambridge (where chris lives) and then drive to the lake district. desi was serious, so in the morning, we woke up and got the first train to cambridge. on the way, we discovered alex was actually in liverpool, so slight change of plans. got to cambridge, and it was gorgeous. chris's house is straight out of the movie "the holiday". we had to walk up dirt paths and muddy stone walkways to get there and it was in the middle of nowhere. the house was so small and adorable. i felt like i was stepping into a harry potter movie. it was perfect. i cant even say how perfect. straight out of a movie. i wanted to stay there forever. he let me drive his car down the road by his house. it was probably the highlight of my life! the majority of cars in the UK are manual, so that made it even better. obviously the gears are in the same place, but your sitting on the opposite side, so everything seems backwards. the clutch was still on the left though...very weird. ate lunch in the eagle pub, which is where the discovery of atoms and dna was made... i thought of you dad :) ... cambridge is such a cute little college town. driving to liverpool was cool. left side of the road, roads smaller, everything is just new and different. apparently in england it's illegal to pass on the left when there is more than 1 lane of traffic going the same way. you just have to get in the far right lane and people are supposed to move over for you. got to liverpool after dark. found alex's grandparents place (well, desi worked that one out :) haha) ... desi convinced alex that she was watching a live satellite, so the poor guy came outside to wave to it...priceless :) ... went inside and had a chat with his parents, met his family, had some cake, endured the awkwardness, and left for the pub. after much drama of trying to find somewhere to park, we located an irish pub. they had karaoke, and needless to say it was a very good night :). i met a german boy who i talked to for like 2 hours. he was really sweet. ventured around liverpool some more, desi peed on my burger and didnt tell me until today, and slept in the car. i think we were in the country somewhere on a back road, and the person who owned the field def knew we had slept there. haha...oh boy. went to the beach, walked around. drove back into liverpool, ate lunch on the pier. it was beautiful. drove around/more sightseeing. back to west kirby (suburb of liverpool) and had a coffee at the cafe by the beach. oh, and you could see wales from the beach! it was very cool. we all said our goodbye's to alex, and headed back to london. i got to sit in the front on the way home, so that was interesting...i felt like i should be driving since i was on the left side...but after spending nearly 15 hours in a UK car, it almost felt normal - the driver being on the right. driving into london i got to see the city from a different route. london is very different when you are driving in car as opposed to the tube or the bus. got back to the dorms, skyped with mom, then brittany, then went to bed. woke up and my throat was swollen shut (figured out later why...thanks des) haha. didnt go into work, didn't go to class, instead went to a concert with desi, jen, and emily. at a place called the social. it was very cool. really chill, the bands and music were great, and they had delicious strawberry cider. reminded me of when i went to the RFGF concert with brittany. :) such an enjoyable night. marcus foster and tom somebody were there...apparently they are best friends /w rob pattinson. i know this cuz of desi, lol. pretty sweet life eh? chillin at a cool pub in london on a monday, rubbin elbows /w the rich and the famous. :) america is gonna be so boring when i get home.

yesterday went on a field trip for work. went to south london to a place called oval house. kennington area. there's a stadium called the oval and it's where they play their national cricket tournament. it lasts 3 days and is super intense. ate at a cute cafe by the oval and got a tour of south london by my boss, john. since it was wednesday, went to imperial. last night cuz they have a 3 week break in april.

random british words i keep forgetting which results in embarrassing moments:
pants = underwear
trousers = pants
cheese toastie = grilled cheese
takin the piss = giving someone a hard time
prawn = shrimp
telly = TV
zed = the letter z

average day in england. i woke up (on time actually), went to work, drank 2 cups of tea and 3 cups of coffee, met some students from oxford university, got back late so ate dinner and skipped class, now i'm doing laundry and on the computer in the common room. i'll probably watch a movie before bed tonight, neglect the fact that i should get started on my final essay for fashion and media, and sleep like a baby.

2 differences that are going to be weird when i come back home: 1-pick up trucks...dont see those in england...i have seen 1 since i've been here and it was a mazda...so idk if that even counts, lol 2-being able to drive...and driving on the right-hand side of the road....weird.

today was a good day. i woke up and went to church at westminster abbey, and it was delightful. good worship, good sermon. had coffee and biscuits afterwards and lunch at the church. met this cauuutee old lady who introduced me to all these ppl at the church and chatted with bunches of ppl. went to hyde park and watched a few games of street hockey and read some. it was a beautiful day out. really sunny and perfect for reading/watching hockey in the park. oh, i really wish i had my rollarblades with me. i wanted to play sooooo badly, but watching was better than nothing. sunset and got some biscuits @ waitrose for dinner... gonna watch the wild game tonight online, and hopefully get some homework done.

life in london is not perfect. def been a lesson learned this weekend. (should've waited a day to read the blog britt ;) haha just kidding) ... there are still awkward moments, friendships are hard, and sometimes life here is lonely. but this place is so beautiful and i can't help but love it. went to stonehenge and bath today. stonehenge, well its a bunch of rocks, haha. its really cool, just not the most thrilling thing i've ever seen. i'm glad i saw it thought. then we went to bath. wow that city is gorgeous. it's where jane austen lived. saw the bath's and learned a lot about roman culture. i always learn so much when i go places here. going back to the states is going to seem boring...no historical background to every step i take. weird. i got the fur hat that i've been wanting for forever! wore it today...and wore my wellies :) ... def gonna miss london fashion. also, another downside to this fairy-tale life is reality: money. went through my finances again (i've been avoiding doing it since my mom left) and idk what i'm going to do. i always think im going to have enough, but then the exchange rate changes, or prices on things change, or i have to pay for more than i thought. idk. def one the constant dampers on living here....stupid money. i was going to go out with friends tonight, but i think im gonna just stay in. i went out with some other friends last night. my bank statement is telling me i should stay in tonight. oh yea, i got my jacket stolen when we went out last night. i never check my leather jacket that i got from primark cuz the thing was 8 pounds...if i checked it everywhere i went it would buy me 3 more jackets, haha. well, at o'neills i put it on the back of some chair in a corner and when we went to leave it was gone. i told the bouncer (my friend chris, haha) and he said to call and they might have it if someone turned it in. not likely...but w/e....it was an 8 pound jacket...nbd.

yesterday was st patrick's day. went out with some friends and had a good time...got an email from mom today that muffin is sick and might have be put down. that was a damper on the mood, but o well. been a good morning at oxford house. andy's been funneling more tea and cold/flu medicine into me, haha. he's like having an extra parent around, always making me drink hot fluids and take this nasty medicine. its cute, haha. working on a paper that's due this friday for my british culture class...1 page down, 4 to go. stonehenge and bath this weekend. skyped with brittany and bailey earlier in the week...overall, its been a good few days. life is good.

so things have settled down since mom left. i've been back to work and life is back to normal - eating crap food in the cafeteria, skyping @ night, not doing homework. its a good life. :) haha. so i was thinking about why i love london so much and suddenly it came to me....i love the feeling i get when im here. i love riding the tube with my earbuds in and feeling like there's a soundtrack to my life. i love being surrounded by all these huge amazing buildings and wondering about their history and marveling at their beauty. i love the nature in the park and the animals that run around crazy there. i love the people here - their accents and their kindness...sometimes i even like the stand-offish people cuz then i dont have to be bothered. the way they make the english language seem like a poem, even if their swearing, haha. and the music...londoners have great taste in music and im def going to miss that. not once have i had to listen to country while over here...its been bliss :) haha. i like feeling independent and growing as a person.

oh boy. i haven't blogged in over 2 weeks. this is gonna be a hummdinger.

so basically i spent the first week of march getting ready for mom to get here. i finished the itinerary and spent time /w friends and went out. in order to prevent this blog from being massively long im gonna timeline it

Saturday:
picked up mom from the airport (freaked out she wasnt on her plane, but she was)
went to portabello market...bought black booties!! and other things
ate @ da maria (cute lil italian place where the owner/server is adorable and friendly)
back to my place, found cheap phantom of the opera tickets for saturday, skyped with dad, and went to bed early

Sunday:
left for dublin at 4 in the morning
almost missed our flight...we were literally running through the airport and skipped the ques. it was intense
got to dublin and took the bus into the city.
walked around, ate breakfast, cute coffee place called butlers
bus tour through southern ireland. GORGEOUS!!! sun was shining, everything was beautiful. went to the gardens and walked around...BEAUTIFUL!
shopping, shopping, shopping. band playing on the street - really cool
dinner at a nice place, food was delicious - broasted chicken.

Monday:
up early again to fly back to london
mom flagged down a coach bus, haha. the look on her face was the best
back to london and landed in luton. no idea where that is...not actually in london. some podunk place an hour outside of london. £20 to get back to london.
took mom to oxford house. showed her around, ate lunch in the cafe.
sent her to primark while i finished the afternoon at work.
met her at primark after work and bought stuff.
went to giraffe for dinner. food @ giraffe is soooo good. loved it.

Tuesday:
i went to work and mom went sight-seeing around london.
hyde park, natural history museum, westminster abbey, houses of parliament, etc.
met her at starbucks by st james's park and we went to a pizza place by my dorm.
went on the london eye!! omg it was so gorgeous. amazing. wow...breathtaking!
mommy bought me a teddy bear from the london eye :D :D :D :D i love him. i love her.
went to the pub (builders arms by my dorm) and got dessert

Wednesday:
took the eurostar to paris. slept most of the way. we're pretty tired by this point in the week. planned out our time in paris.
got to paris and went to bastille. market was closed cuz it was a weekday, but we got crepes. they were delicious.
went to the louvre and the arc de triumph. walked to notre dame.
shopping along the way of course
went to the eiffel tower. more shopping.
bus to the airport. fly to venice. arrive in venice. it was snowing and wet and cold and miserable. took a boat to san marco and some italian guy who didnt speak english walked with us to our hostel cuz we couldnt find it ourselves. went to dinner at the cutest lil cafe ever. ricotta was amazing. i was starting to feel sick so i got some tea. went to bed. shared a room with another girl named natalia from russia. red hair.

Thursday:
explored venice. lots and lots of shopping. exploring was amazing. that place is beautiful. exactly how it looks in the pictures. so amazing.
gondala ride!!!! so much fun. best thing ever. we were serenaded :)
ate some gelado. more exploring.
went into a few places that idk the names of.
bus back to airport, flight back to london.

Friday:
i was feeling pretty crappy, so mom went to buckingham palace to see changing of the guard. turns out its tomorrow. get ready and go to tower of london. didnt go in today, but we walked across tower bridge and ate fish & chips at the tower.
went to evensong at st pauls cathedral. wow. really cool. wish dad could've been there. he would've loved it.
took the tube to harrods. like a museum for shopping. cheapest thing in harrods is a keychain for £75. thats like $115 american. wow.
took a cabbie to piccadilly circus. mom's 1st cabby ride :) so fun
tourist shops and sight seeing in piccadilly
ate dinner at THE cutest japenese place. the food was on a moving belt and in colored bowls. loved it!! so great

Saturday:
went to changing of the guard. so many ppl. too crowded for me
went to camden market. so cool! love that place. got some wellies!!! :) :) and a sweet feather headband and so much cool stuff. mom bargained with one of the vendors and got a £45 coat for £30. :) its very cute. bought brittany and aubrey and hannah something. :) excited to give it to them.
went to tower of london. got a tour by the Yeomen. really fun.
phantom of the opera tonight. soooo good!!!!! we were so close i could see the performers faces w/o binoculars. we were on the left edge but it was so amazing. oooo i loved it. so good. so so so happy.
went for drinks. mom doesnt like alcohol, lol. she drank about 3 sips of her cosmopolitian. hehe. my 1st dry martini. no olives. i was dissapointed.
skyped with laura and dad.

Sunday:
wanted to take mom to buttercup but it was closed. went to cute lil french cafe instead. delicious. mothers day in london. i should've gotten her a card. ... maybe i'll mail her one.
to the airport and mom flies out. walked around oxford circus on my way back to kensington. spent the rest of the day doing homework and catching up on stuff i've fallen behind on while mom was here. cleaned my room.

just got back from a weekend in SCOTLAND! :) so i wasn't sure how great scotland was going to be because it's this small, remote country that's not that exotic. but guess what...i loved it! i went to edinburgh (and don't say it edin-burg like a burger. its said edin-burah) ... or something like that. i got corrected a lot. but anyways. i went friday with the school trip. i kinda stayed out late with amanda witt the night before (thursday) so i was super knackered but i got to sleep a little bit on the train. sleeping on the train was a bit of a challenge, but i was tired enough that i could do it. we got there and kinda got lost cuz our leaders werent sure exactly where the hostel was. it was raining/slushing and i was freezing, but eventually we got there. because i went with the school the hostel we stayed in was super nice. kinda fake first hostel experience, but oh well :) haha i liked it. i roomed with victoria, jessica, and jen. the beds were amazing! so much more comfortable than our beds back home in atlantic. ugh, i wanted to steal one of the beds. so first thing we did was find a pub cuz we were hungray!! we walked up the street and went to the 1st one we saw that looked scottish, haha. it was great! right when we walked in i felt like i was truly in scotland. the carpet was plaid, the pub had like an old victorian home feel. and the food was super good. the scottish def know how to make cheesy garlic bread. then we were gonna go to a place we had seen that said student pub, but turns out...to the scottish student means old people...like over the age of 60, haha. so we ended up going to the place next door to where we ate. that place was really cute too. a little smaller, but the rugby game was on so we stayed and watched that. it was a good time.

saturday we woke up and went to the castle. oh, i loved the castle. it was amazing and gorgeous and i took a thousand pictures :) haha. then we did a little bit of shopping, which of course i enjoyed. :) then we went on a walking tour with one of leaders from our group. since scotland is known for its whiskie (ever heard of scotch?) me, victoria, jessica, and jen decided to do the whiskie tour. it was really cool. it was only £8 for students and we got a souvenir whiskie glass. they took us on this ride type thing that gave us the whole history of how you make whiskie and all the different types. whiskie itself is disgusting (there was a whiskie tasting as part of the tour) but it was cool to learn about it, haha

we had dinner at a different pub and it the food was just as good. seriously, scottish pubs are so cute and the food is awesome. love it! so the other girls wanted to go on a ghost tour, but i heard they were rubbish. instead i went on a pub crawl with a couple other girls, emily & kristin. it was really fun! we went to 4 different pubs and ended at a club. we met a bunch of irish people at one of the pubs. it was super random cuz one of the guys said he wasnt drinking cuz he was a christian. he started naming all these christian singers (i dont really know who they are) but emily knew them, so they hit it off. turns out the entire group of irish students (about 30 or more of them) were all social sciences majors! haha, it was great. i ended up hanging out with them the rest of the night cuz emily and kristin headed back to the hostel. it was loads of fun. :) loved it! and of all the irish ppl i met, not one single one of them had red hair and freckles. they all actually had really dark hair and their skin was def not fair. so there goes all irish stereotypes. next time i see a redhead with freckles i'll assume their scottish, haha.

sunday was our last day in edinburgh (i was really sad). we went on a tour of mary king's close. apparently edinburgh was built on top of itself, so there's old streets and houses that are still intact underground. it was super interesting. a little pricey, but a cool experience. never knew the little city had so much history. lunch at a cute scottish cafe and then packed and ready to take the train back to london. oh, almost forgot. we went to this place called chocolate soup for dessert and it was sooo good. seriously, i was like in a sugar coma from all the chocolate and carmel i had. probably not the smartest/healthiest choice, but hey. i was on holiday and ur only in scotland once right. :) well it was delicious and i loved it, so no regrets. the trian ride back was long and miserable cuz they overbooked and it was way too crowded, the outlets didnt work, and it was freezing. but eventually we made it home :) good 'ol london. no matter how much i love the places i visit it's always wonderful coming home to london. :) so glad i chose to study here and not somewhere else.

i watched canada vs the usa!!! i have few words for the game except for wow. such good hockey. i obviously had to cheer for usa cuz its my country, but there are a lot of players on the canada team that i love and have watched for years. like brodeur. such an amazing goalie. he didnt play though because he really botched the 1st game against the US. haha...he's such a cocky pighead he'll probably try and spin this as discrimination or something. great goalie, crappy person. crosby of all people scored the winning goal. not only does he get the stanley cup last year, but now he gets the gold. such a good player. i love watching crosby in the NHL, but the olympics are at such a different level. the play is swifter and its about the game, not the money. i liked seeing the players in a different setting. hockey is such a beautiful sport.

i had to finish my journal after that. got a page into it and fell asleep, haha. woke up early today to finish. oh, and i skyped with bailey and brittany!!!! ah!!!! how i love them!!!!! don't get me wrong, i love to skype /w each one of them individually (lil bit of one on one time) but to skype /w both of them was almost as if i was living with them again!!! agh! it was so good :) def the best end to the best weekend: scotland, hockey, and my roommates :) ... and i talked to my parents a lil too...only thing that would've made it perfect would've been talking to laura and matt :) hehe...but i'm talking to laura tonight, so im not complaining :)

ok...i should probably do work now. im at oxford house, haha (i love how i always blog here) ... reception this morning. baz is training in new students, so i feel like the expert...even though im not at all.

going to go make an itinerary for when mom comes! :) :) hehe...and go through my finances...that gets no smiley faces. i hate looking at my finances. ugh.

ok...over and out

so last night, i learned that people actually read this thing...(thats a shout out to you gus...and katie and cate) .. haha..now i feel like a huge loser. but whateves

i remembered what part 3 was.

i have decided NOT to go back to camp this summer. i dont even remember if i blogged about this at all, but i had been having second thoughts about my decision not to go back. it was super confusing but ryan sent me one last email and wanted me to know that if i wasnt at peace and 100% sure about the decision, then it probably wasnt the right one. and i needed to hear that from him. cuz i was not at peace. i was the opposite of peace. but now that i've considered all my options and really PRAYED about it, i do feel at peace about my plans to live/work at bethel over the summer. it feels sooo good!!! i know that's where God wants me, and i know that its the right thing to do.

last night i hung with desi, alex, and chris at queens arms. it was good cuz i feel like i havent spent time with desi in a long time. i love that girl :)

so this blog is going to have 3 parts to it. sorry for the lengthy-ness...no one probably reads this anyway.

part 1: it's amazing how you can almost feel the emotions of the people you are close to. when those that i love and care about are going through rough times, my heart hurts for them. it sounds weird, but i can almost feel something physical in a way that is telling me there is sorrow in their hearts. when my brother had to endure losing game 1 @ nationals in a shoot out the first time, i cried even though i wasnt there...and the second time when i was there, my heart almost broke for him. when my sister gets hurt from things people say to her or the mean things that people do, i can feel the ache in my heart along with her. when my friends have something going on in their lives, i can almost feel it too. idk, maybe that's why God called me to be a social worker, because i have empathy for people. but sometimes, i think its more than empathy. i dont really know. all i know is that there are people back home struggling with things, as well as my friends here who are going through some tough times. it's all a lot to handle. im very very thankful that life seems to be going pretty well for me right now. i mean, it's amazing. i can't complain. it's just hard when there is so much going on with everyone else and i can feel it too. def the times when i turn to prayer. i think i've prayed more in these last few days that i have all last week. it's probably God's plan all along....to get me to spend more time with Him. so for those of you reading this (if ur reading it ur probably the ppl i'm talking about anyways)..just know i'm praying for you. a lot.

part 2: today at oxford house was SO good. i spoke with my supervisor about a number of things. 1st, i talked to him about the individual tenants and going to each one and gathering information and spending time each office. he really wants me to do that, which would mean i would get loads of different experience. each tenant does something different. and its something that really interests me, so im pretty pumped. ALSO! i talked to him about the week that mom is coming and he was soooo great about it... he was willing to give me the whole week off, but that's kind of illegal (with UK visa laws and everything) so he just gave me wednesday and thursday off...and said show up whenever on monday haha... i love my supervisor! he's such a cool guy. so laid back, but knows how to get things done.

part 3: well i cant exactly remember what part three was...i'll just make it randomness. so i really really wanna get this fur hat that i saw a girl wearing at the bus stop the other night. she said she got it at h&m, but i went there and they didnt have any!!! im gonna try and go to covent gardens sometime this week, and maybe i'll find it there?!?! i hope so :) ... and i keep forgetting to get postcards!!!! i n-e-e-d to get those. and i need to get a birthday card for aubrey (my cousin). her birthday was like 1 week ago, and the card will take at least 2 weeks to get there, but still. i really wanna send her something. it's the thought that counts right? haha. so im soooo obsessed with the band He Is We. i cannot get enough of their songs. i only have three on my ipod and i've listened to them over and over the past few days. their play count is a lil ridiculous haha.

i think thats good for now :)

sometimes i forget that im in london. i get used to how things are. i get used to the tube, i get used to driving on the left side of the road, i get used to pounds as the currency. i forget that i am in this awesome, amazing place that has so many magical things for me to see. i sit in my room and blog, or i skype, or i order pizza with friends. not saying that those things are bad. i need to do "normal stuff" but i want to be going to the museums, going to the markets, seeing the touristy sites. i've been pretty good about seeing some things. like the pubs. haha...not that thats hard, but some of the pubs around here are really cool. i was looking in my guide book the other day, and i've already been to half of the "top 10" ones in london :) i was proud of myself. but i've only been to 1 market, 1 musuem. i've been on tons of walking tours, but that was the 1st week. i wanna get out there and see more stuff. im in london for goodness sake! i dont wanna think of my time here and remember being in the dorm or doing homework or whatever. i want to remember the trips that i took, the coolest places i saw in london. in a way i think its cuz i've been here for so long that i feel almost like a regular londoner. i can navigate the tube system better than some of the ppl i work with, i know how to order food like a normal londoner. the only difference is my accent, but really, there are tons of ppl with american accents in london who arent tourists. and thats the thing. i dont feel like a tourist anymore. which is good...but bad cuz i get complacent. i think i know everything there is to know about london, even though i havent even seen the half of it. yesterday i made a list of some of the things i wanna do (mostly including shopping haha) and i wanna keep adding to that list. granted, some things im saving until mom comes (like the london eye and westminster abbey) but there is so much more to do! ... :) i gotta get on that.

so today is my 4th day at oxford house. if only they knew i was blogging right now, haha. its pretty chill here, so i think its ok. plus im on reception for the morning, so not much to do except answer phones. things are going well. me and cameron are working on reestablishing ties with oxford university, and the research is actually fairly interesting. im going to talk to john (my supervisor) about working with some of the tenants (like kids and mental health) ... maybe i'll do that next week. cameron is a fellow intern with me. he gets on my nerves sometimes. his major is psychology so idk why he's @ oxford house. plus he's super insensitive. yesterday we were going home and we had to walk the subway (walkway underground) and he was making remarks about how the homeless people were smelly and making him uncomfortable. ok....1st of all, i am a social work major. empathy and diversity are huge for me...and here he is talking about these people as if they're sewer rats. o i wanted to slap him. i was talking with my friend amanda last night about how im super sensative (u know how that is brit ;) haha) and she was saying she was too! finally someone here who actually understands that words are powerful and you cant just say things to people without thinking. ooo it was good.

so i emailed my advisor on monday to tell her i had started my placement and where it was and she emailed me back and so did another social work professor and they were like upset that they hadnt heard from me yet! um, excuse me but you are the professors and you never contacted me! i hadnt heard from them the entire time i was here. im in a frickin different country. i was starting a new life, and they expect me to be thinking about THEM??? oooo i was upset to say the least. i emailed them back with all the info they needed and was very short and did not give them any extra information. being in london has made me realize how little the social work department does to help you. isnt social work all about helping people? well my advisors and teachers here arent even in social work and they've been more helpful then my ones back home. ugh....not looking forward to going back that @ all @ this point in time. so frustrating. i guess in a way they have to be more helpful here because the students are foreign and all that jazz, but you would think my advisors back home would understand that as well. i've never gone through the social work program @ bethel before even though they've gone through it however many years they've been there. and i've never studied abroad before. how the heck am i supposed to know what the heck is going on. gah...ok....done thinking about them. whatever.

tonight i'm going to legally blonde and im so excited!!!!!!

oh and i miss brittany...and my sister...and bailey

funny that i would end my last post /w the word prayer...ok....1st things first....my parents sent me flowers!!!!! i almost screamed when i saw the package. i seriously DID NOT expect ANYTHING. much less flowers!!! :D amazing parents, amazing :) :) :) ... so here is a pic of me /w the wonderful flowers sent by my wonderful parents :) oh how i love them. i dont think they even understand :) ...


ok. so last blog was before church. church @ westminster chapel was a-m-a-z-i-n-g. wow. i dont really have words for it. the end of the sermon was kinda awkward cuz i didnt know when to leave, but the songs were the same as the ones i sing back home. i knew all the words. and to be in worship and fellowship with other believers....wow. i did not realize how starved i was for fellowship. i almost cried. it was seriously the closest i have come to feeling @ home since being here. not like im homesick or dont feel like i belong here (cuz i actually feel like i belong on london more than i do other places) .. but just a feeling of peace and true comfort. idk....hard to explain. lets just say im going back. not an option.

the 1st day @ oxford house was....well unproductive to say the least. they dont really do internships here over in the UK, so most of the supervisors we work with dont really understand what an internship entails. basically i spent the day surfing the web and chatting /w the receptionist. it was fun, but unproductive. today was way better. we sat down /w our supervisor and made a game plan for our time here. me and the other guy from my program @ oxford house are going to reconnect the relationship with oxford university. it'll be a project, but i think it'll be rewarding in the end. also, i think im going to develop a weekly newsletter for oxford house. and i want to work with the youth, so maybe help put on a few neighborhood events. i feel good about it. i love the ppl there, so im glad i got put there. we'll see how the rest of the week goes.

so yesterday i was feeling really unsettled about my whole not going back to camp plan. dont get me wrong, i do not wanna go back to camp. but i felt as if God was trying to tell me something. i emailed ryan and told him i had no intentions of returning to camp, but i felt some weird nudge or something from God and was wondering if there were any positions he hadnt filled. he emailed me back today (fastest reply i have ever gotten from ryan graden lol) and said that he still needs a waterfront coordinator. basically a glorified head lifeguard. it would be a big responsibility with loads to do and i wouldnt have campers. i dont know what to do. is this God telling me he wants me to go back to camp? but i have this awesome opportunity to intern @ eastside in minneapolis with my anger management classes over the summer. and i could make lots of money by working @ bethel over the summer too. i WANT to be doing anger management this summer. but i also love camp.... bailey would be there....and michael....and carter.... (oh yea....bailey and michael are t3 coordinators together lol....i can hear the wedding bells now! ;) haha) ...

brittany is struggling with her own stuff going on....im struggling with everything...i miss my sister...i wanna talk to somebody about this whole camp thing....i wish i hadnt emailed ryan....but i know God wanted me to .... what does this mean?

prayer

prayer

prayer

God please send me an answer....to everything

today is valentines day. not like that means much to me. haha. im going to check out westminster chapel today. lindsey clay told me about it and i like what i've seen online, so im going to the 4:00 service (which is in like 2 and a half hours...) should be good. my roommate is gone this weekend in amsterdam. so are emily and desi. i was going to hang out /w alex today, but i havent heard from him, so probs not. my mom send me a e-card for valentines day...thanks muzza ;) ... cuz apparently its too expensive to send stuff in the mail. i did a little bit of homework this weekend. got started on my magazine article. maybe i'll finish that tonight. went to a new place called the elk with some friends on friday. that was fun. i met some professional rugby players, which is kinda cool...it would be like meeting pro football or basketball players in america...rugby and football (soccer) are the most popular sport in europe, so it was kinda exotic to meet some of the pros. very cool :) haha...i need to clean my room. and i need to exchange the shoes i bought @ primark. i miss bailey and brittany a lot. my nose still hurts...still a lil infected and i forgot to steal some salt from the dining center. there's this one lady that works in the cafeteria and idk why, but she loves me and my roommate. i told her i was gonna be lonely this weekend cuz my roommate was gone and she told me to come by on sunday and she would give me a free lunch, haha. it was so sweet. i totally took her up on that offer. she was really happy to hear that i was going to go to church on valentines day, haha. she's so sweet. i wanna shop more, but i just cant. im always in the mood to shop, but my budget just wont allow it. we'll see how this week goes. maybe i'll skip a couple meals so i can buy some new jeans. haha. this week will be the 1st week of my internship @ the oxford house. pretty exciting. start of a lot of new things. i had a month to get used to life here, and now its changing. not too much, but just enough to make me anxious to get started. i was getting in a rut, and now its time to feel productive. working will make me think about shopping less...and maybe less about the ppl i miss. i think about ted and kelsey's wedding a lot. i wish i could be there for more of the planning. ted's so lucky...so is kelsey. im so lucky. my family is amazing and i have awesome friends. i need to be thankful and celebrate my life more often. i was looking @ pix on facebook of a long time ago right after my accident. my face does look A LOT better. i want to do the plastic surgery. i hope they say im a candidate for it. only God knows @ this point. prayer is the only thing i got right now...but it is a very powerful weapon...i need to try and utilize it more often. i underestimate the power of prayer a lot...gotta stop doing that. life is different every day. i want to feel loved and wanted. i want to forget some things. i need to make myself do things sometimes. i take things for granted too often. like my mother. i gotta stop doing that. my biggest love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation...hard to do when your halfway across the world from the people you love the most. being here i think quality time is a big one too...heck i love all the love languages. haha. i just love being/feeling loved! time to stop and get something done. i need to change before church and maybe write some more for my paper.

prayer

prayer

prayer

The Oxford House - that's where my internship is. i think it'll be good. i wasn't excited @ first because my roommate had interviewed there and didn't want it @ all...but she's a psychology major. this place is the epitome of social work. they're a settlement house that was started around the same time as tonby hall started by jane adams. they provide resources for people in the community and aim to promote diversity....can you say social work? haha. i know my advisor will be really happy about this one. its cool because they rent out parts of their building to other agencies and my supervisor said it might be a possibility for me to work with one of them...ex: downstairs is a agency that deals with mental health in adult. i would love to get involved there. also, there's a creative arts studio that has classes for youth in the community. i told him about my experience @ camp and just my skills in general and he said there's also a possibility that i could facilitate classes with the youth. all-in-al i think its going to be good. its about a 45 min tube ride there and after my interview i bought a newspaper and read it on the tube and i felt like a true londoner....i was reading the paper, sittin on the tube, earbuds in... :) it was fantastic. i can't wait for my internship to start. then i will feel like a true london lady ;) haha

last night was so much fun. i went out with a couple girls on my floor that i haven't gone out with yet and i had blast. they are so much fun. for real...probably one of the funnest nights i have had yet. we went to the local pub and hung out with some of their local british friends and it was such a good night. wednesday nights at imperial (the pub we went to) are a great night because there's always a big football game on and its jam packed and just lots of fun. i've made every other wednesday night @ imperial my tradition :) haha...its great.

so this weekend a bunch of my friends are going to amsterdam. i really have no desire to go, so i'm staying in london. i wanna go see the V&A museum, the tate museum, and some other free stuff. i really need to stop spending money. some girls on my floor wanna go to a club this weekend, but i'm just not sure...their expensive and sometimes dodgy. we'll see. i do have homework actually. i have to finish that magazine article for my british culture class. maybe i'll do that this weekend. ha...we'll see.

so much to blog about. this last weekend i went to paris. i enjoyed it. i like paris, but i don't love it. alex is laughing at me right now because he thinks the idea of a blog is dull and pointless. haha. i find him funny....mostly because of his accent though. hahaha...it probably doesnt help that he's reading this as i type it.

ok anyways. so paris is overrated, but it was till fun. i saw notre dame, the louvre, the eiffel tower, the bastille, and paris @ night. the louvre was by far my favorite part. i'm not really a museum type of person, but the louvre was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. wow. i would go back there any day. we went to a market by the bastille and it was super fun. all the stands were unique and everything was one of a kind. i got my sister something there....probably shouldn't say what it is on the off chance that she reads this ;) haha. i also got ted and myself something...and brittany and bailey. just small things, but good momentos from paris. at least thats what i think :) ... i was thinking today and i want to get something for aubrey and elise. i might get them something when i go back to paris with my mom, or i might find something for them in london. either way, i want to get them something from europe.

im @ imperial library right now with alex and desi. i'm supposed to be working on a magazine article that's due next week for my contemporary british culture class. i guess i made some progress. i knew i wanted to write about UK education, but that's such a broad subject. i narrowed it down to city academies, an idea suggested by alex. they're schools that were started after the education act of 2000. i won't bore you with all of that stuff, but basicly it seems like an intersting topic to do my article on.

i bought conditioner and nail polish today...2 very american things that i feel is a waste to spend money on. i think im going to go back to portabello market this weekend. i dont want to spend more than £20 though. i've been going over and over my finances in my head for the past few days and i have to try really hard to spend under my budget. i think i can do it.

i emailed laura cuz there was kind of some drama before i left for paris and she made me feel better. granted i didnt get her email till i got home from paris, but it was just good to hear from her. everyone be praying for her cuz she applied for a new position and i really want her to get it. God, its miracle time.

go onto my facebook and check out my gorgeous pictures from paris. o my goodness i almost forgot! they have amazing crepes :) and we found this hole-in-the-wall cafe that was so cute and not tourist-discovered. it was amazing. i had french onion soup and i couldnt get over how good it was.

tomorrow i have to give a presentation on myself. i should probably finish that. i got an email from my internship advisor about my placement. she wants to put me somewhere called the oxford house, but i really dont want to do that. i want to be somewhere like an adoption agency. the oxford house is basically a charity, so i would pretty much be doing fundraising, which is not what i want. ugh...this whole internship thing is not turning out how i had hoped. i'm sure it'll all work out in the end, but i have 4 more days to be placed, and i dont even have an interview yet. very frustrating.

so im doing laundry downstairs and it seemed like a good time to blog.

last weekend/this week have been slightly uneventful. we went to a club called o'neils on saturday. it was an £8 charge to get in and wasn't worth it. emily and laura left early which was probably the smart thing to do. sunday night i went with desi and alex to builders arms, which is the pub across the street from my building that i live in. it was really fun. we played scrabble :) haha. alex is apparently very competitive, which i found to be very hilarious. i watched about 3 hours of live hockey online and it made my sunday so fantastic :) i got to watch the devils play. they lost and marty was mad, but i enjoyed watching him nonetheless. so emily lives in new jersey and she said if i go visit her sometime she can get us devils tickets...what did i say to that? uh HECK YES!!!!!!!! :) emily your the best :) i dont think you even understand. to be able to watch marty brodeur live is the next best thing to watching patrick roy play live...which i cant do anymore since he is retired. so that would just be amazing. (p.s. emily you wanted to be mentioned in my blog, well there ya go ;) haha...luv ya!) oh man

so this weekend i'm going to paris. i was supposed to go in march, but mom is coming in march so i switched to the february weekend. im so excited!!!! i have wanted to go to paris all my life and now its finally happening!!! i've been trying to spend as little money as possible this week so that i can spend more in paris haha. speaking of, i found real peanut butter!!!!! there is a small grocery store nearby that imports all of their stuff from america, so they had skippy peanut butter!!!! omg i was so overjoyed. it was amazing. i bought a HUGE economy size one for £8. expensive, but so worth it. probably the only grocery item i'll have to buy my entire time here. i can just steal bread from the dining hall :) haha. its still not quite the same as skippy @ home, but its close enough for me.

i got to talk to laura, my parents, and brittany on skype :) this made me SO happy. and i get to talk to bailey today!!!! ah!!!! im so excited. i want to hear all about her europe adventures and i want to get the low-down on all the places i should see :) talking to laura made me sad for her cuz she really hates working nights and i dont blame her. i feel terrible cuz i feel like there is nothing i can do, but i've been praying and i asked God for a miracle, so we'll see. talking to my mom was stressful because it was after midnight and we were trying to plan day trips to ireland, paris, and venice and i was stressed out. sorry mom. its just a pain to try and plan everything when your tired. and i hate looking at the prices. i know mom says she'll pay for everything, but then i feel guilty cuz i know how much it costs and i know she doesnt have a ton of money either. both my parents are teachers for goodness sakes. oh boy. ok not thinking about it.

i talked about boys with brittany :) hehe. that made me happy. haha. oh man. i love her to pieces seriously. and girl, if you read this. dont worry. one day your going to come to england and enjoy all this stuff and im going to be green with envey of YOU. trust me. :)

ok i think this blog is long enough. im sorry it wasnt more insightful (carter). ;) but really when i think about it, i just want to live in the moment and think about it later. i dont want to be psychoanalyzing everything i do here cuz then im going to miss it. act now, think later. of course, that doesnt mean i'm going to be stupid and do dumb/dangerous things. that just means im going to live in the moment and love what im doing.

i am never going to be the same. i've been having one of those days where i tend to realize a lot of heavy stuff. i've been thinking about people @ home - friends/family. things just won't be the same when i come home. now, i dont know if that is going to be good or bad. it'll just be different. maybe for some relationships that will be a good thing, while for others it might not be so positive. even just being here for 3 weeks i feel like a different person. it's weird cuz i didnt feel different until today. i'm not sure what it is, i just feel as if life has a new meaning now. maybe i'll feel this change all over again when i start my internship because i'll feel really independent. right now, i'm just worried that things might not be as perfect here as they seem. i'm hoping i'm just in a funky mood and it passes. tomorrow we're going south to the coast and i'm excited to get out of the city for a little bit. maybe it's just that i've had too much down time today. i really haven't done a whole lot, which has left a lot of room for thinking and contemplating. i can definitely tell that living here is going to make me a stronger person. it'll be interesting to see how i merge that into my old world at home. i'm going to see a girl from bethel tonight. she's roommates with my RA in lissner and i met her randomly the night before i left bethel. it was definitely a God thing. so she's here for 2 days and i'm going to see her tonight. it makes me super happy. i didnt get to see bailey @ the airport which really bummed me out, but hopefully seeing naomi will lift my spirits. maybe thats where all this contemplative thoughts are coming from - seeing someone from back home. i hope i get to spend a sufficient amount of time with naomi. i dont even know her that well, but even just talking to her for like 45 min before i left home was amazing. she seems really cool, and i really admire her. her cousin goes to school here @ richmond, so that's why she's here. but God has me here for a reason and the changes that will occur in my life are meant to happen, and i'm going to embrace them. i want to change, just in the right ways. ways that will enrich my life and make me a better person.

looking @ pictures from my walk makes me happy :)

hopefully we're going to the coast this weekend. there's a cute little down in south england called brighton and its gorgeous i've heard so i think we're going. :) :) :)

i dont wanna shower....

i should brush my teeth....

i'm tired....

i'm happy :) ...

i miss my mommy....

well i found a purse :) i was pretty proud of myself. it was a 30 pound purse, and i told the lady all i had was 10 pounds. she gave it to me for 10 pounds :) haha. i've been walking in hyde park and kensington gardens the past few days and it is SO beautiful. the garden/park is literally 2 blocks away from me...pretty much my backyard. i went with desi yesterday and for an hour by myself today. the sun was out today, so the scenery was just...breath-taking. i dont think the pictures can really show, but oh well. i've just been chilling in my room today (besides the walk). i did have a meeting with my internship advisor. I talked to her about a counseling agency i saw in the paper working with kids and families. she had the idea of TACT. its an orphanage. i told her i would be interested, so she's going to look into that. we'll see where that goes.

i got to talk to laura (my sister) on skype today :) ... that was good. i wish i got to talk to her more often. i got to talk to lizzie a little bit on facebook last night...and carter of course :) love talking to that kid. :)

i want to plan all my trips to places like rome and greece and barcelona....i wanna get the flights booked so they cost less. i have edinburgh figured out. i'm going with the school trip. same with wales and paris. ireland we'll stay with laura's sister. the expenses of these trips are stressing me out, but i don't really wanna focus on that. money is always gonna be a stressor.

we were going to go skating today, but its a lil more expensive than we anticipated. so far i've only spent 20 pounds this week....its only tuesday, but so far so good! that includes my purse :) haha.

hmmm....time for a blog! it's going to be hard trying to remember everything i've done since i blogged last. well, let's see. i've had more classes since then. i also had an interview with operation smile. me and another girl interviewed there. they could only take one of us because of space issues, and they took the other girl. they said her past experiences were more pertinent for the position. it's really weird. i've never actually been turned down for a position or anything. i dont say that to be snobbish, but i'm very driven, and i have a lot of professional experience and i usually get whatever it is i aim to get. hmm..i think this is a good learning experience for me. honestly, the real reason i wanted to be @ operation smile is because they compensate for travel and food. i think this is God's way of telling me that it wasn't the right place for me to be @ and He has a better agency in mind for me. i'm actually kinda excited to interview again...see where it is and if i like it....and if i get it! haha....

i really love it here in london. we've been taking the tube a lot this weekend, and the buses too, and i just sit and look @ the city and love being here. sometimes its hard. i miss my friends @ home and i miss my family. i'm very much a people person, and i want to be with everyone everywhere all @ the same time. obviously that's not realistic, but ya. missing people is normal, so i'm not super concerned about it, i just have to remember that just because i'm the one studying abroad does not mean that every else's life should revolve around my time here....haha sounds elementary, but an important thing to remember.

we've gone out a lot this weekend, and its been super fun, but its time for me to stop spending money. we went to the portabello market today and it was amazing!!! oh i wanna go back there so bad. i am DEFINITELY taking my mom there when she comes in march :) she will love it! :D ah i'm excited for her to come visit!!!!!!! i bought 3 pashmina scarves for 5 pounds....def a deal! :) i'm excited to wear them too. ugh, i'm so not looking forward to going through all the money i've spent this week. ugh!!!! i hate the money situation!!! i think thats part of why i've been stressed this weekend....i feel as if every pound i spend is literally a pain in my chest....that sounds ridiculous, but checking my bank statements online has been the most dreadful thing of this entire thing....ugh!!! ugh ugh ugh.....i wish i was rich and didn't have to worry about money. everyone in kensington is rich. ugh. maybe i should find a rich london boy who can support me. not. london boys just cause trouble, lol. that is 1 thing i have learned in the little time i've been here already lol

oh boy. ok...i'm not quite sure what else to blog about...maybe i'll think of something later. oh! we went to primark!!! its the store that bailey told me about and she was right!!!! everything is so cheap!!!! omg its amazing. i love love love it! that is where all my money is going to go. that and portabello market, haha. i need to get a purse. the little wristlet i have is good for going on to like pubs and stuff, but for shopping and everyday life, i need a real bag. and a wallet. a wallet. gosh i really need a wallet, ahha....maybe i'll find a cheap one @ primark....their purses look kinda cheap tho...hmm.. we'll see

ok, so here are a few pix of my dorm....building/street where i live....i hope this works

who knew a gym could be so pretty :) haha


ok...so going to the gym was ridiculous. its a really nice facility, but we got lost on our way home. it took us close to 2 hours, when it should have taken us less than half an hour. me and laura were both really annoyed....i am sick of getting lost. it was super pretty tho. we were in the richmond area, which is kind of like a suburb of london. super pretty. laura compared it to harry potter :) haha.

we just chilled last night and watched a movie. it was really good just to relax and not feel pressured to go out or anything. we borrowed a movie from some guys we know. its funny cuz its the guys i met in the airport from minnesota. i knew they had the movie we wanted to watch, cuz one of them was watching it on the plane, hahaha...so we went to their apartment and got the dvd, and they have THE nicest place. they have a brand new bathroom with marble floors, a full kitchen, and a great view!!! tons of room!!!! so jealous...i guess they had more study abroads than excpected, so they got put there as like overflow. apparently the regular students have to pay 2000 extra pounds to live there. i can see why; its so nice!!!! we made a deal with them that we'll cook for them if they let us use their kitchen to make food on the weekends when we dont have meals in the dining center :) haha. they were def ok with that! :) haha

after the movie we walked back to the room and i skyped /w mom and dad for a little bit. this morning i had a internship seminar. they basically told us a bunch of stuff i already know. i've done plenty of interviews in my life, so i feel prepared. my intern advisor told me she hopes to have my operation smile interview set up by next week. i kinda wanna get it over with so i can be sure that im placed there instead of making tons of "tentative plans" since i can't really plan anything concrete.

ok....i think thats all i got. oh, i was telling a friend that i learn so much from my british culture class!!! its legit interesting. i've learned about british TV, british travel, everything. our prof was saying how london isn't on a grid (like the streets and stuff) because it kinda just grew sporadically. it makes it difficult cuz everything looks the same and confusing, but its really pretty, so i'm ok with it. i like walking everywhere.

ok now i'm really done. for real.

i changed my blog up :) i was bored /w the old one. :)

so today is dreary as usual. its london, gotta get used to it :) ... last night i got to talk to my family!!! both parents AND my brother and his fiance :) it was so good. it really made my day. i feel like i haven't really gotten to talk to them much (i haven't talked to ted & kelsey @ all) so i really really needed too. :) def made my week that much better.

i still need tape. i wanna put up all my pictures on the walls (cuz they are huge and white...terrible) but i dont have tape...hmm....must find that.

i think laura and i are going to explore the richmond campus today. wanna use the workout facilities. should be fun. heard its pretty. and the gym is free!! like actually! not 30 freakin pounds a month, haha.

this is a shout out to carter :) thanx for following bud ;) love ya :)

so since my lazy night in, i haven't done anything too exciting. sunday was good. i did laundry and after that me and some girls went out to this pub that one of our tour guides told us about. well turns out the tour guide lied to us! well, idk if he meant to lie, but the pub he told us about was closed. so my roommate and emily found this other pub. it was impressive that they knew their way around, cuz we were in a part of the city i had never been to before. we made it this pub called white hart. apparently one of the murders from jack the ripper took place there. sweet. haha. it was fun. we payed 1 pound to play a bunch of american songs :) haha. a british friend of laura's showed up later. after we left there, i headed home. put on pj's. no one was home to skype, so i just went to bed. fun eh? ;)

today was the 1st day of classes. i dont have a class until 3 (but that'll change once my internship starts in feb). slept till 9, went to breakfast @ 930, was going to go the gym @ imperial, but slept instead. me and laura got ready and went to this lil grocery store called waitrose. i got cereal for 2 pounds (which equals four dollars) and some salmon crap for 3 pounds (which equals six american dollars). i REALLY hate the exchange rate. i feel like i have no money and i am always hungry. i seriously sometimes think i'm going to starve. not fun. it sux, cuz our meal plan here @ the college is breakfast and dinner. we can't eat lunch unless we pay for it out of pocket. once my intership starts, that won't matter cuz i cant come back here for lunch anyways, but for now it really sux. food here is expensive. specially since i'm living in the most expensive area of london. ugh. i dont even want to look @ my spending journal. it gruesome. anyways, so we got food, ate it, and went to our contemporary british culture class from 3-6. it was ok. i really like the professor. i've learned a ton about england just from the 1st class. he's really fun so thats good. i think i'll like the class. then we RAN, and i mean literally ran, back to atlantic to get dinner. we only have 1/2 an hour for dinner and the classes are about 3 blocks away, so we had to book it. we scarfed down our food, and ran back to the classroom building for our last class, fashion and media. that class was cool too. i'm a little unsure of what we'll be doing for the class, but w/e. its about fashion :) haha....so after class me and laura were gonna go to imperial gym. we made it all the way there. we found it all by ourselves, then the crabby lady told us that its 30 pounds a month for a membership. ya right! so we walked back and now i'm blogging. the end

so the boat party last night was amazing!!! the view was SO gorgeous. we boarded the boat around 7:30, and it left the harbor (if that's what you call it) around 8. the city at night is so pretty. everything is lit up and it is seriously breath-taking. i took loads of pictures, but its hard to get the real effect from a picture. just trust me, its a sight that i will remember for a lifetime.
there was a dance floor, so me and the girls did some dancing :) it was fun... we sailed up and down the thames and were on the boat until a little past 11. after the boat party, my friend desi was meeting up with a friend, so i decided to go with her. mistake. it was already 11:45 and i was seriously out of energy. i was sooooo tired. i ended up just going back to the dorms and going to bed....4 and 1/2 hours on a boat taking pictures and dancing will do that to ya i guess. haha.
side note: this just came to mind because i was drinking diet coke on the boat. the diet coke here (well actually in london its called coke lite) is different than diet coke back home. apparently they don't have aspertame in the UK, so its a little sweeter. hmmm...idk. i really like it tho! haha....now i probably won't want to drink diet coke when i get back home, haha. that's the problem. i feel like after spending 4 months here, i'm going to grow to love everything about this city, and i won't want to go back to the old way of life. i feel like that a little bit already. for example, i love how we walk everywhere. yes, my feet kill and i have blisters and i complain a lot, but i really like it. @ home (and @ school) we drive everywhere. no one really walks....i guess sometimes for recreation, or if ur shopping, but not to get places. idk, maybe i just like it cuz everything is so pretty around here.
we went on a walking tour of the south banks today. saw the blackfriar bridge, and loads of other stuff. we also went and took a tour of the tower of london. omg, that place is huge!!! i thought of my dad while i was in there because there was all this armor and descriptions and tons of historical facts and i knew he would've enjoyed it :) haha...i can just see dad walking through with me and blabbing on and on about this and that haha....he would've loved it :)
a bunch of my friends are going on the jack the ripper tour tonight, but i'm just not up for it. i don't really have a desire to go. i know loads of friends (probably laura my sister haha) will tell me i should do it, but i just need some time. i've been go-go-go this whole week, and i just need a few hours to relax and get myself together. i haven't even had a chance to look at my class schedule for next week, i haven't talked to my mom except for email since i've been here, and i just wanted to stay in tonight. idk, maybe that makes me lame, but who cares. i have 16 more weeks to enjoy this place. one night in won't kill me.

:) <3

AHH!!! ok, so i havent blogged in a super long time because there hasn't been any time! I just got here (to london) on tuesday, and it's already friday. the first day was really surreal. i happened to meet a few people from minnesota on the plane ride who were going to study with AIFS, which is where I was going. it was super nice to have a group so I didn't feel so alone. we made it to the Heathrow airport just fine, and they took us back to the campus in kensington. on the way there, i noticed the insane billboards. they were like futuristic looking almost. not pictures on a big sign like we have in America. they were framed and changed electronically and were just huge! the city is amazing. once getting to the campus, we were given our orientation packets, and told where we could be living. i'm living in atlantic house. its the house that has the dining center, the library, and so much more. it's kind of the main building, so its really convenient. except i live on the fourth floor and there is no elevator, so i had to lug all my luggage up tons of uneven, winding stairs. it was fun. my room here is tiny. its a typical dorm style room, but the beds aren't lofted, so it makes the room a lot smaller. my roommate is super nice. we get along just fine. the cafeteria has terrible food. i really don't like the food, which is weird. i'm not usually a picky eater, but for some reason, the food here just is not appealing to me AT ALL. ick. once i got all my stuff unpacked, me and my roommate took a nap to try and compensate for the jetlag. i wouldnt say it had terrible jet lag, but it was def noticable. i still notice it because my eating schedule is all scewed up. i get hungry at the wrong times, like 1 am in the morning, when its dinner time at home. ugh i hope that changes. the first night here, they took us to a local pub. it's really interesting, because in London and the UK in general, pubs are like coffee shops. like in america, if u were to say to a friend "lets go get coffee" u would say "let's go to the pub" here. i mean, yes, there is a bar and the legal drinking age is 18, but it is a really chill atmosphere. people are sitting around, the music is mellow, and it is just like a cute lil coffee shop. in order to save money, i got tap water, cuz that's the only thing you can get for free around here. it was fun because we met some local londoners and talked to them about america and such. they were really fun and told us a lot about london. pretty much everything we would need to know. also, another interesting thing about london is that the pubs close around 11pm. to me, that is super early. but london is such a huge city with everything so close together, that they strictly inforce quiet laws. one of the locals told us that there is some sort of tax that a place has to pay in order to stay open past 11, so most places just close then.

the beds here are really bad, lol. they are small and the mattress sucks, but o well :) small price to pay for the gorgeous view that is right outside of my window. i tried to take a picture, but it just turned out looking like a window, haha. no view. so wednesday we went on a bus tour of the city. that was amazing! gosh, i can't even remember all of what we saw. we saw the london eye, buckingham palace, kensington palace, big ben, all the major shopping areas, and so much more! i have pictures on facebook, but not all of them are labeled cuz i couldnt remember!! haha. oh, small fun fact. the flat where T.S. Eliot lived is right around the corner from me :) pretty much on the same block :) haha. so after the bus tour, we went and got dinner. again, it was disgusting. on the orientation agenda for the night was something called a pub crawl. the resident directors of our buildings took us to local pubs so we could learn our way around, and get a taste of a bunch of different ones. it was really fun. the atmosphere at some of this pubs is so cool. we went to Glauster pub, which is a favorite of the twilight actor rob pattinson :) haha. we ended at the same pub we had gone to the first night. while there, a friend of mine and i talked with 2 local guys who lived in the area. it was fun to talk to them about europe and all the differences between here and the united states. small world, but the guy i was talking to told me one of his friends studied for a semeseter @ the university of iowa, haha, so i told him i was from iowa and he thought that was really cool, haha. since the pubs close at 11, they are serious about getting people out of there, so we had to leave. we ended up walking all around london and the guys who we were with showed us a bunch of cool places. tons of stuff that you can only learn from locals. we ended up walking for over 5 hours! it was amazing to see the city @ night. everything was light up and was so beautiful. not a ton of stuff was open, because most places close early because of the quiet laws, but the lights were on. there is this store here called harrads...idk if is spelled that right, but it is a super expensive store and no one really buys anything there (unless ur a billionare) people just go to look around. while, at night it is decked out with lights. i mean, wow. all lit up and it looks A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. i wish i would've gotten a picture of it, but my camera was not taking very good night shots. so after deciding we had seen enough of the city and that our feet were blistered from walking, we headed back to our dorms. i got back around 6am and def crashed on my bed without even getting changed. i was so tired. the next day was a pretty full day for me. i had to wake up and we went to this BBQ that the school had set up for us. we could sign up for events and see cool stuff. i signed up for an adventure weekend in whales :) i'm really excited!!! :D also we bought tickets for the play wicked, so me and a bunch of girls went together. we went with the group of students and we took the tube for our first time! honestly, the tube was not that intimidating. it's really cool because its underground and i really like it, but a lot of girls were like nervous or excited or whatever, but i've taken public transportation in minneapolis, like the light rail, or city buses, and it was a lot like that. not much difference really, except for its underground. its going to take me some time to learn the bus routes and such, but i'll get the hang of it. i bought what they call and oyster card. its like a public transportation card that gets u on and off the tube with out paying a fee every time. wicked was amazing and by the time we got home we were all so tired, we changed and went to bed right away. for some reason, we didnt wake up to our alarms today, so i had to rush because i had an interview i had to get to. i was meeting with my internship advisors. they were really nice and told me i would be interviewing at a place called operation smile. i looked it up and it seems like a really cool organization to work with. it's funny, because just the other day i had been thinking about how i might like to work with kids. i've had a few internships in the states already, but nothing with kids, so i'm pretty excited about this. now, tonight is the boat party. everyone from the college here is getting to ride a boat that goes along the thames river, so we're going to get to see the city at night :) even though i've done that once, it'll be so much fun because it'll be all the main sites along the thames, and i've heard its really pretty.

ok....so i'm done for now. such a long blog because i haven't had a chance to blog yet this week.. hopefully i'll keep up better and do it once a day or once every two days or something. i probably forgot a ton of stuff, but i'll post again if there is stuff i remember. :) oh man... i love this city!!!! :D